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Tenure?

Title: Tenure?
Character: Charlie/Amita, and other “Conspirators”
Rating: K+
Word Count: 1582
Summary: Some things are NOT what they seem.
Author’s Notes: I’m taking some creative liberties here so please don’t get to angry with me.
Disclaimer: I do not own Numb3rs. They belong to Cheryl and Nick.



March 31, Salvador’s Restaurant, Lunch time

Conspirator 1: “So, are we all set?”

Conspirator 2: “I have my end all worked out. It’ll be done tonight.”

Conspirator 1: “Good, good. How about you? How are things on your end?”

Conspirator 3: “I’m all set. The paperwork will be here by the end of the day. All official looking. Completely bogus, but official looking. When I called and told them what I wanted, they were totally on board. He’ll never know what hit him.”

Conspirator 4: “Are you sure you know what you’re doing? This can get ugly.”

Conspirator 1: “Yes, I’m sure. Besides, I can’t wait to see the look on his face. This will be good!”

Conspirator 2: “Call it pay back.”

Conspirator 1: “How about your ‘friends?’ Are you sure they are willing?"

Conspirator 3: “It’s all set. I talked to them today. Williams is in town for another four days and Anderson couldn’t wait to get on board. I think he’s really looking forward to it. Anyways, They’ll be there at 10:30, like you wanted. I’ll give them the paperwork you need and they give it to you when they get there.”

Conspirator 1: “Okay. Looks like we have all our bases covered. See you all tomorrow.”


April 1, CalSci

Charlie arrived at school a little early today. He wanted to get to work on his final for his ‘Advanced Number Theory’ class. This semester, the group of students he had proved to be a bit more into the class then previous classes had. So as a result, he was going to be able cover more than he had before. That meant he had to write a longer final. Charlie didn’t teach until 1:00 today, didn’t have office hours until 4:00, so it seemed like a good time to get started on that final.

Charlie had just settled in and got his laptop turned on when he heard a loud bang.

“Charlie, there you are. I’ve been trying to call you all morning. Millie’s been trying to reach you. I know she’s left several voice mail messages,” Amita said.

“Well, first, my phone never rang, so I didn’t know you called. Hold on.” Charlie took his phone out of his pocket and opened it up. He saw a blank screen and hit the power button thinking he turned it off and forgot to turn it back on. When nothing happened, “Okay, now I know why I didn’t get your calls. The battery must have died. Second, I just got in, so I haven’t checked my messages yet. What could be so important that Millie couldn’t wait to get a hold of me?”

Amita was truly in a panic now. Charlie got up, moved around his desk to give Amita a hug and kiss.

“Amita, what’s wrong? Why are you all upset? Why’s Millie looking for me?” Charlie said, as he gently rubbed Amita’s arms. He had never seen Amita like this before. Amita looked like she was on the verge of tears and truly frightened and Charlie was starting to get very worried.

“Amita, sweetheart?” Charlie said, as he wrapped his arms around her.
“Charlie, I ran into Millie this morning and she was asking if I’d seen you this morning. I told her you were still asleep when I left and asked her why. She said something bad happened, really bad. I don’t know all the details, I didn’t ask, but she said that your tenure could be in jeopardy.”

“WHAT?! My tenure? I’ve been tenured for years. How can it be in jeopardy now?” Now Charlie was beginning to panic. He closed his laptop, grabbed his keys and started to run out the door. Amita had a hard time keeping up with Charlie and a hard time keeping a straight face since she was behind him.

‘So far so good,’ She thought. ‘Now for Millie’s performance.’

To get everything set up, Don did some digging around. He found out that Charlie’s advisor, Dr. Henry Monroe from MIT, was now the head of the Mathematics department at Harvard. Don had to think back a bit. He couldn’t remember if Charlie did his Ph.D. at Harvard or at Cambridge. As it turned out, his dad said Charlie did his Ph.D. at Harvard and his post-doc at Cambridge. So Don contacted Dr. Monroe, told him want he wanted to do and what was needed. As much as Dr. Monroe liked Charlie, he thought it was an excellent idea and said he would overnight what Don had requested. Next he talked to Robin about getting a bogus warrant. She said that had a friend from law school who was now a family court judge and a big practical joker. She was sure that she can get him to “sign” a warrant. With that done, Don had everything he needed.

By the time Charlie got to Millie’s office, Don’s ‘Friends’ were already there. Now the fun would begin. Don was there as well, but hiding in Millie’s closet. He was not going to miss this for anything.

Millie had left her door slightly open, knowing that Charlie would just barge in once he heard what Amita had said to him. She and Don’s friends made a really big production out of this. Voices were slightly elevated, “accusations” were starting to fly. All was going to plan.

Once Charlie entered, Millie said, “We have a problem, Charlie. A very big problem.”

Before Millie could say another word, Don’s friends chimed in. “Mr. Eppes, I’m Special Agent Mark Williams, FBI and this is Agent Christopher Anderson, NSA. We need to talk, NOW!” As the ‘introductions’ were being made, Millie pulled out an official looking letter, Charlie noticed the emblem on the letterhead and knew it was from Harvard. ‘Why does she have a letter from Harvard and what does this have to do with me? More importantly, why does the NSA and FBI want me?’ Charlie thought. This cannot be good.

Millie started first. “Charlie, I just got a letter from Dr. Monroe from Harvard. It seems that your dissertation and Ph.D. are invalid. According to this letter, several members of your defense committee had less than accurate credentials. Harvard doesn’t know how it happened, but it looks like you and three other individuals who had the same committee, now have invalid degrees. So until we can figure out what’s going on, I’m afraid I’m going to have to suspend your teaching credentials and put you on unpaid administrative leave. All projects that you were working on for the school are temporarily suspended. We will also be looking at the validity of all of your current and former advisees.”

Once Millie finished saying that, He now understood why Amita was so upset. Her Ph.D may be in jeopardy as well. He turn to Amita, “Amita, Sweetheart, I’m sorry. I don’t now what happened. I … I… . Oh, no. This can’t be happening. This. Cannot. Be. Happening.” Charlie was pacing like a caged wild animal.

This was really too good!

Now the agents in the room spoke up. “Mr. Eppes, You do realize that your lack of credentials opens up a huge hornets nest. You do realize you have defrauded the United States Government. You do realize that you are in a great deal of trouble. Mr. Eppes, we have a warrant for your arrest. Please turn around, hands behind your back.” And with that, an agent started to read Charlie his Miranda Rights for the second time in a year.

Amita started crying, Millie was shouting that they couldn’t do that and the agents just keep on doing what they needed to do. All the while, the hidden individual was silently laughing so hard, that he thought he was going to hurt himself.

Charlie was shouting that he’s innocent; that he had nothing to do with the problem at Harvard. He kept calling out to Amita to call Don and Robin. Saying that they can straighten this out. Charlie was also telling Amita that he loved her and would make sure her Ph.D stood.

Before the agents and their prisoner walked out the door, Don stepped out of Millie’s closet, laughing like a crazed man. His face had the brightest shade of red that was known to man. “I don’t know if I can help you with this, Buddy. April Fool’s.”

That one line had everyone else on the room laughing as well. The agents took the cuffs off, tore up the warrant and said no hard feeling to the professor.

Charlie, on the other hand looked confused. It took a minute for it click. It was April 1st, April Fool’s Day and he had just been made a fool. He started to look very angry and Amita, who had been laughing, was now no longer laughing. In fact, she started to look upset now that Charlie was angry. Charlie took three steps to stand in front of Amita. “You think this was funny? Do you really think that THIS was funny,” Charlie growled at her. Tears started to well up and before Amita could say anything, Charlie started to laugh himself. He gave Amita a gentle hug and a huge kiss.

“You know what? It was funny. I can’t believe you guys did all of this. But you do realize, this means war. And I have a whole year to plot your demise?” Charlie said, as he held Amita tight in his arms.